Is it still the man’s job to approach a woman?

During this Women’s Herstory Series, I want to discuss relevant issues that women face today while also honoring great women of the past and present. As the economy has moved away from the agrarian society and into the industrial sector, more women have left conventional roles of homemaker, housewife, and other domestic occupations. Now, we see more women in powerful positions making strides in the professional sector. Women have fought for equal rights, representation, and access to resources that their male counterparts freely enjoy. We demand equal pay and opportunity in all sectors both private and public. But for all of the fuss that women make about equality in their professional standing, do we really want the potential burden of equality in our dating lives too?

Burden in the equality of dating sounds like a loaded phrase. But, as I’ve met more and more very eligible single women who are looking to date, I encounter a common denominator in many of these singles. Most women that I know of still believe that it is the man’s job to approach and pursue a woman. Ironically, these are the same women who fiercely claim to be independent, self-confident, and self-assured. Well if you’re so independent, self-confident, and self-assured, why not walk up to your Mr. Right? (This article focuses on the exchange between heterosexuals but I will discuss the exchange between two women in a separate post.)

I challenge women with this archaic mentality of waiting for a male to approach them. While you’re waiting for your next date, potential male suitors are passing you by. When these women who wait on men to find them don’t have anyone ask for their number, they immediately internalize the lack of attention. Show me a woman who feels rejected and I’ll show you a woman who will start to temporarily self-destruct. “It must be my hair” or “I didn’t wear the right outfit” she’ll whine to herself and girlfriends. From the conversations that I’ve had with the opposite sex, a woman doesn’t have to always wear the perfect outfit. She’s allowed to have her imperfections. (Men who don’t allow for imperfection aren’t worth your time anyway.)

“So why aren’t these men approaching me if I’m a full package?” many women ask. It’s probably because they pick up on all your independence, self-esteem, and self-confidence that you boldly present. These men are more than likely intimidated by you. Or, these may may falsely believe that you’re seeing someone else if you look too busy to be bothered. Some women inadvertently make themselves inapproachable. If you find that you’re not attracting as many fellows as you want to, do a self-evaluation of your own approachability. Approachability exists in the little things like direct eye contact, body language, a cute smile and perhaps saying something like “Good day.” These ice-breakers show that a woman is friendly and open worthy of a second glance. It may be intimidating at first, but practice this a few times. There is such a false idea that women who make themselves available are being trashy. Proper advertisement of one’s availability and exploiting oneself are completely different sides of the self-propagating scale.

Men have told me that it is actually sexy if a woman approaches. It shows a genuine sense of self-confidence and an ability to go after what one wants. What man doesn’t want the kind of woman who knows exactly what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it? So, cast aside your self-esteem that may be a bit superficial and try on a pair of big girl panties. Go after the one that you really want. Who knows, maybe he was too afraid to go after you…

In sum, if we’re going to ask for equal rights, we better be prepared for what that really means. It means that you need to take all that equality that your ancestors have fought for and put it into practice. You can’t have all the glory without any of the guts. My question to the readers are:

1.) When was the last time you were approached? How did the scenario look?

2.) When was the last time you approached someone? What did that look like?

3.) Would you be willing to approach a man and ask for his phone number or a future coffee date?

4.) Do you think it’s time for women to start empowering themselves and approaching men?

If you have any interesting answers to these questions, write something in the comments section. I always read them.

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